Am I Naked?

I swear I must be naked.

I draw this conclusion based on the looks moms fire at me when I'm out with Bemma. And it's not the, "Ooh, I like what I see," stares that Brad Pitt might evoke, but rather the, "You're naked and it's awkward...oh so awkward," stares that Danny Devito inspired in that one 'Friends' episode.

It's like Moms don't know what to do with me and my duo. Take Sip 'n' Play, for example, a little shop that serves coffee and a nice enclosed area for the kids to play. In the evening or on a weekend there is a smattering of both moms and dads, but in the middle of a weekday--forget about it--the mamas rule the roost.

We went there this morning and I was the lone adult XY in a sea of XXs, which I have no inherent problem with. I accept the XXs with their play dates, Amazon Kindles, knitting, early development jargon and monstrous frappacinos. I respect that their precious little children wear starched matching attire, with hairs all in place and faces free of this morning's breakfast. But do you think that river of respect runs both ways? Not based on the Danny Devito looks.

Of course they're very polite and subtle about it all. They don't actually say out loud, "Why is that man here with that poor set of twins, and did he really do that pretty little girl's hair like that?"

Oh no, they give me the cordial smiles, whose chill could frost a beverage quite nicely, and leave me a perimeter wide enough to enclose an elephant. They practically press themselves against the wall while they scurry by, as if they were fleeing for their life along a cliff's edge. They seem desperate to honor my territory, afraid I might scalp their children if they bump Emma's sippy cup.

Okay, to be fair, I am sprinkling in a bit of hyperbole, but not the scoops and scoops you might think. Being a dad in a world full of moms is tricky. It's similar to being a snail shell on a river beach of smooth skipping stones. Both are beautiful and serve a wonderful purpose, but when you place them side by side the differences leap out at you, like the crazy Asian guy in 'The Hangover'.

Such is my lot in life. I suppose Barney would tell me, "You're not different, You're special? But what does he know. He's actually naked.


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By the way, the pictures are from my mom when they were at her house recently. Although it would be fun to release them at Sip 'n' Play garbed in such a manner...